I’ve seen you naked, comfortably lying on your bed. I’ve seen you taking a bath, your so-called “long” baths. I’ve seen you in glasses, how they fit perfectly on you. I’ve seen you play video games and how you’re always focused to win. I’ve seen you read news, reading them to me while I’m doing my own thing. I’ve seen you laugh, I really love to see those beautiful lips whenever they smile, and your funny giggles and exaggerated reactions whenever you see something funny or weird. I’ve seen you happy whenever your kids are speaking with you and I really adore that you’re still there as their father after all the hardships that you’ve gone through. I’ve seen you in pain after having a long and suckish conversation with her. I’ve seen you mad, disgusted at yourself because of what you’ve done. I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you in tears, your eyes turning red because of the pain. I’ve seen you stressed from work. I’ve seen you craving for foods. I’ve seen you eat in a rice cooker, I’ve seen you use random stuff as your utensils. I’ve seen you problematic, when you completely had no idea of what to do.
When I woke up this morning, I smiled when I suddenly realized that it’s already been a year, and nothing has changed. The 17th of April felt like it just happened yesterday. I’m still in love with you despite of all the bad things that happened. You’re still the person to whom I fell in love with. Maybe one day we’ll feel like we’re already tired of what we have, or maybe I’ll even break up with you or you with me, I hope that you’ll do your best to get me back, because I would want you to get me back. I know it’s weird but I would really appreciate it if someone will “fight” for me even if I’m already giving up. And I’d do the same if ever you’re the one who’s going to leave. I know it’s gonna be hard to fight, but if you think and feel that you still want me and if you think you made the wrong decision of breaking up with me, regardless of how many days or week or months or years have passed, please come back. And I hope I can do the same if ever it happens the other way around. Because at the end, I know that you’ll still be the person that I’d love to spend my future life with.
I said I loved him,
While biting my lower lip,
Thinking about the amount of pain,
That this will cause him,
But I know to myself,
That I didn’t mean it,
I love him and I’ll always will,
But I wasn’t able to control my impulse,
And he’s now hurting so bad.
You always do the same mistakes and then you wonder why they always leave.
My lover lust
I want to get out
Just get outA bit of everything
But nothing in full
I'll hover at the doorway
Coz I'm afraid of wolvesAnd in the midst
I'll lose myself
But that's okay
I like the spaceWhen it's safe
My hands on the rail
A scream on the exhale
As freedom pinches the skinI'll never give in
Never get in
You hear the sirens.
It's not what you expected,
Pink Floyd would have been better to your ears.It comes fast,
but you're going faster
and there's no halfway too meet.The only certain thing in life
still holds too many secrets from you.Nothing is as you pictured.
Your whole life comes to this
and you can't even do it right.
Where's the cigar?
There's no bourbon left,
no sarcastic jokes
nor the will for all of this.The excruciating pain fulfills your tired lungs
till you can't hold it anymore.
It comes out as a wail
or mercy, if you will.
when you have no one to run to,
that's when you befriend your demons
I spoted me thinking about you. It's been 5 months. Where are you now? Are you with somebody else, sharing whispers and showing your naked body for somebody else? Is anybody inside you right now? Fisically or even mentally? Are you sharing what we share for almost 2 yeas with somebody else?
It kills me. I don't know how much cigarettes i've smoked just today, trying to forget your smile, your theeths, yours legs, your hair, your child humor. You don't know, but i've made a tattoo now. My first one. And you wasn't there with me, holding my hand to try to make me feel less pain. Are you now holding somebody else's hand? Are you now kissing somebody else's lips? Are you sucking somebody else's dick?
Now I miss you. Just because i saw old pictures of us. Thogether. Loving each other. I remember why you break up with me. Some shit about you where been 18 now.
So I go to your house, and I realise that you wanted me too. And we kiss each other and we love each other and we masturbate ourselves. All for one afternoon. Then, when it's time for me to go because you'll go out tonight, i realise the reason for i don't did it before. It was because you brought me hell. And i remember the last time i tried to kill myself. It was because of you. It was because of your hell that was so fucking big that i got affected by it too. So i came back home angry. Angry with everything. Every shit. Everybody. And i just want to beat someone so much and i just want to kill myself again and i just want to get YOUR hell out of me.
if you really love her, you should know ...
Tell her now. Tell her everything before it's too late.
As she spent so much time alone
She ended up falling in love with solitude.
Now, cursed enough to never leave
Crying herself to sleep, long desiring
To ever be capable of loving another soul.
But she is too much in love with
And he won't let her leave either.
You got what you wanted,
Now why doesn't it feel like it?
Does it ever feel like you can't connect to anyone? And then you find one person who your energy aligns with so well that it is outside of this world, but you still can't quite grasp them. Like coming down from a high, it scares the living hell out of me.
This fucking made me feel.